Lessons I’ve Learned About Wedding Dresses

I’ve seen half an episode of the TLC favorite, “Say Yes To The Dress”, but I totally get why I have lady friends who run weekend marathons. It’s a Cinderella fantasy unraveling at Ollivanders Wand Shop — lace, tulle, or Holly and Phoenix feather.

Shopping For Wedding Dresses In Orange County

My wedding dress shopping experience was a bit different than most because I have a relative who is in the wedding wholesale business. Because of this, I had the luxury of meeting with her retail customers directly. Either way, it didn’t change the fact that my initial beeline for a lace and illusion sleeved dress ended up with a final purchase order for something completely different. The reasons as to why this happened we’ll get into later, but before I hop to it, this would probably be a good place to chat a bit about different wedding dress silhouettes, which essentially defines the shape of the gown. Many wedding dress designers will provide super useful sketches of silhouettes and necklines on their websites: two things that I found most important as I sifted through my choices.

So after a few weeks of trying this and that and now being in a position of nothing but waiting for the dress to get here (SOB!), I’ve reflected on 5 important tidbits for saying a big I DO before the real thing.

(1) Don’t ignore your instincts.

It was really clear to me early on that I wouldn’t be walking down the aisle in a princess ball gown: I had no intention of looking like an un-frosted cupcake, all out of place and insecure (though unlike me there are plenty of brides who look like they were born wearing a tight bodice with a full bell-shaped skirt). I also knew that satin wasn’t my choice of fabric and halters were out of the question. When I look at my closet (or even my mind’s make-believe closet of all the Vera Wang pieces that perhaps heaven has waiting for me), none of these things are there. Your instincts are always right and it helps to pay heed to them.

(2) Don’t let your instincts make you close-minded.

This is a qualification to Step #1! There are instincts and there are convictions: the lines between them so often blur (the incessant root of all broken relationships, but stories for some other time). I went in convinced that I would not go strapless or sweetheart like every other dress that I had seen. This, friends, is not an instinct, it is a conviction, and it can make the process agonizing because you will shortchange yourself of trying on so many stunning dresses all for the sake of EGO. As soon as I knocked mine aside, I soon realized that there’s a reason why so many brides opt for the strapless or sweetheart; no two dresses will fit you the same, but once its right they’re glorious.

So. After your instincts dictate some definite “NO’s”, two key things should be scribbled all over the dressing room mirrors: (1) YOUR BODY, and (2) YOUR PERSONALITY. If you find something that fits these two things, the dress will essentially choose you. Mantra: I will wear my dress, the dress will not wear me. Amen.

Like anyone looking for an off-white wedding dress, I spent a couple days skimming through Pinterest for wedding dresses in Orange County that caught my eye, but quite honestly I had already burned Ivanka Trump’s gown to memory. It was the lace, the hair, the styling…perfect!

But the reason I didn’t end up with anything like her Vera Wang was not only that I wasn’t going to spend $10K+ on a wedding dress because with that money, I’d much rather buy my share of Proenza Schouler’s PS1s in assorted colors, but also because as I tried on my first lace and illusion sleeved dress I immediately realized that I am not 5’8″ and covering up half my body would swallow me whole. And because I’m stubborn, I tried on a couple more only to realize that our one sided love affair was not working. So back to a serious assessment I went and with my tail between my legs, I gently asked Strapless or Sweetheart to take me back.

(3) Draw boundaries. Literally.

THE Dress. It’ll happen more than once. I guarantee that you will try on a dress and think, this is absofreakinglutely the one. It may be your first dress, but definitely do NOT make it your 50th. Draw boundaries…like on a map. Virtually, mentally, literally, just do it. How crazy it is to visit every bridal boutique in a 100 mile radius of Newport Beach to find the perfect gown when there are multiple perfect gowns. It’s like choosing a life partner — timing and willingness are essentials. One person may seem perfect at one moment, but minus any serious character errors, you may find another person who fits the mold at another moment. The decision falls on whether or not at the right moment, you’re at a place where vowing to lifelong commitment makes sense and you’re willing to make that promise to the other. Dresses. Try on more than one because you can and should indulge, but you have to have a cutoff. The best decision I made was to narrow my choices down to two dresses and my gut knew what to do. You’ll know, too!

(4) Ignore all labels.

One of the key things I’ve learned from my relative’s business is that manufacturers often and frequently overlap so a lot of the money that people are willing to fork over is to the brand and not necessarily the quality of the dress. BIG FLAG! HEY! HERE! TAKE NOTE! Chances are (but not 100% always the case), that high end label is made from the same factory as the budget buy. It’s so easy to fall prey to the names, but honestly all of the dresses you like will be so beautiful and no one will care what you’re wearing because a wedding dress is designed to make you feel like royalty. And when you feel like royalty, you’ll look it. Find something that makes sense for you regardless of the label, whether its $10,000 or $100. You’ll shine.

(5) It doesn’t take an army.

Weddings are hard because somehow your marriage becomes your family’s marriage and everyone wants a say about something. This can be especially true of wedding dresses — you may think that your instinct is saying, “Take your mom, sister, and 14 cousins!” but that is in fact a conviction (see above). Something that one of my bridesmaids told me that particularly struck a cord: “Take one person that you trust to give honest opinions without other motives.” For me, that was at times my mom, but more often my sister. When all’s said and done, you know what makes you feel your best self and high pressure is often not it.